I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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