Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
