I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize