Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize