get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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