You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
