the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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