He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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