u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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