Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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