She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
