Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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