why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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