...so i touched it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
