For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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