so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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