Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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