check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
