Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're using joints as your birthday candles
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
