But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
