Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
