so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize