you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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