Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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