yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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