I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
