I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
