Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I have aggressive nipples.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
