Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
