I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
