I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
