If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
