hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
