Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I had to cum in my sink.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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