i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
