and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
