I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
