Someone shit on the floor
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize