his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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