she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
