I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
