Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
my poor anus
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
