i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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