We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
