I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
