You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
