Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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