i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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