this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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