Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize