I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
