I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
