Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
