Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
