I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
