Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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